Moving forward

After spending the better part of this year chronicling my desire to manifest a wonderful man for a romantic relationship, I end it happy in the knowledge that I made great strides toward that goal.

I'm not sure if I will pursue it as stridently in 2008. This is not a sign that my desire has diminished. It is more a testimony to my increased confidence level, which brings with it the ability to relax and let things be.

There will be dates and eventually one great guy will emerge and show himself to be a keeper.

Nice.

You better watch out

I have never quite felt like Santa Claus as much as I did today. I went to visit friends who adopted a little girl and they hadn't gotten around to putting up a Christmas tree and aren't really prone to holiday decorating.

So I got the idea last week to buy a small Christmas tree and some ornaments and trek down to Baltimore to spread a little cheer. I did the wise after-Christmas-sales approach and found a bunch of really cool animal ornaments in Macy's. Then, with the help of a friend, I grabbed the last four-foot tree in Duane Reade, complete with lights. This made the friend accompanying me exclaim, "A Christmas miracle!"

Today I unveiled the gift for my friends and little Pilar and let's just say it went over very well. It gave me such joy.

They say it's my birthday

I've never been one of those women who lies about her age. But I'm thinking about starting. HaHa.

It's after midnight, so it's officially my birthday.

I know, I know. You're only as old as you feel. I feel like I'm in my 30s, whatever that means. However, I must say that my 40s have been transformative and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

So, my 46-year-old self is ready to take on another year of possibilities with enthusiasm and grace.

Bring it.

Calling sweet dreams

So I've pretty much licked my conscious fear since having my apartment broken into a few weeks ago. As I wrote in an earlier post, I feel overwhelming gratitude that I am safe and that most of my belongings are intact.

However, my subconscious is not so restful on the topic. I've been having anxiety-ridden dreams. I think writing about it here will help release what is apparently pent-up.

Fear be gone. Please.

Sweet dreams, come on in.

Pondering

One of the best things about the home stretch of 2007 is that I can start to think about what I want to manifest in my life in 2008. Another whole year to grow and thrive and attract and create.

It's a clean slate.

Irresistible.

Merry and bright

As I embark on a Christmas weekend with friends and family, I find I'm feeling exceptionally blessed to have my parents healthy, my siblings actively in my life, my niece and nephew providing light as they grow, and my friends and their families engaged in celebration.

A nice recipe for a Merry Christmas.

Pretty pattern

Today I manifested a new client who seems to be a kindred spirit. I never tire of talking to people who get the big issues of life. A coaching session becomes more like a conversation.

Thanks, Universe. You've brought me another.

The Prayer Chest

I finished reading The Prayer Chest. It's a sweet story of a man who starts to realize the power of manifestation and how intricate the workings of The Universe can be. It's about love, loss, prayer, and interconnectedness.

My favorite quote:

Make yourself ready for loss and letting go as, perhaps, part of the answer to your prayer. It may not be immediately apparent how failure leads to flourishing or loss fertilizes the ground for gain, but trust that it shall.

Trust.

That it shall.

Surprise gift

Received a little package in the mail from Florida today. Couldn't imagine what it was. Opened it to find a Barbie ornament for my Christmas tree. It's called "Roman Holiday."

It turns out that a darling woman I met at a writers' workshop in September remembered me talking about my love of Barbie. So sweet.

And might I add that I also wouldn't mind manifesting a 'Roman holiday' of sorts? The gift has a double meaning to me.

Just putting it out there, oh grand Universe. Just putting it out there ...

The good, the bad and the ugly

So this blog is about the belief that I manifest things in my life. I vowed that I would not make it strictly about the good stuff. Here goes.

Last week my apartment was broken into. I came home in the afternoon and found my door ajar. I peeked in, saw things out of place, dropped my grocery bags and went outside to call the police. I heard noise in my neighbor's apartment on the way out, but decided not to knock because I'd never met him.

While I was calling the police from the front step of the building, a strange man came out, said hello and kept walking briskly away. I knew he had just robbed me and probably my neighbor and I watched him go as I excitedly told the 911 operator what was happening.

The hours that followed were a blur. My cousin, my brother, and a friend came to offer support. The police were helpful. The locksmith did a great job. I answered questions, tried to piece things together, gathered my thoughts.

Why did I manifest this intrusion?

To feel immense gratitude. Call me crazy, but that is what I feel. I could have not stopped at the grocery store and walked in a few minutes earlier while the intruder was in my apartment and who knows how that would have gone. I could have owned more things with the kind of "worth" this robber was seeking, but my items of value will get nary a red cent from a pawn shop because they are treasures of the sentimental or artistic kind.

Also, I made a phone call to my brother and was flanked by him and my cousin within the hour. I didn't ask them to come, but they came. I didn't ask. They came.

Somewhere in there might also be a lesson about being able to ask for help. Not a bad notion. But for now I'll stick with being grateful and taking a deep breath.

Thank you.

Ensemble

There's this tote and matching cosmetic bag I wanted. Clinique was giving it as a gift with a purchase over $25. I was going to buy a few things at Lord & Taylor, a lipstick I wanted and perhaps some gloss, and bring home the coveted set with the green and red design.

Hours before the scheduled trip to get it, a co-worker from the day job left a Lord & Taylor shopping bag under my desk. I came back from the restroom and there it was, THE tote and cosmetic ensemble. She had no idea I wanted it. She had made a Clinique purchase and thought I might like the bonus set.

Did I manifest that gift?

Oh, yes indeed.

Ripple

Opportunity continues to knock professionally. I like this kind of steady stream of possibilities.

Would that it would carry over to romance ...

Next up

Started reading a book called The Prayer Chest today. So far, so good.

It promises life lessons and insights and I'm always up for those.

Stay tuned.

The real thing

There are one-dimensional options -- three come to mind -- popping up around me in the dating realm.

I want more than one-dimenstional.

The Universe is testing me.

I'm up for the challenge.

Bring on the real thing.

O Christmas tree

Sometimes I think my ideal job would be to decorate Christmas trees in themes. Like, if you had a winery, you'd hire me to give your tree a wine theme. Or, if you owned a bridal shop, you'd hire me to do up a tree in pristine white and crystal. That would have me shopping for ornaments a lot, something that gives me great pleasure.

I wonder if I'd get sick of standing back and admiring my work before placing a few more bows or shimmery glass balls on the branches that looked bare. Or turning on the lights to see the final dazzling product.

I bet not.

Dream weaver

I am coaching.
I am writing.

I am coaching.
I am writing.

I am coaching.
I am writing.

This was/is the dream.
Coaching and writing.
For a living.

Call me the dream weaver.

My Game Plan

It's time to complete the circle. I've been hinting around at how I manifested a great professional opportunity. And so here it is, the debut of my life coaching column for FOX Business:

http://www.foxbusiness.com/personal-finance/lifestyle-money/travel-lifestyle/article/new-column-business-life-coaching_386466_22.html

I have been preparing for a life coaching column for a while now and I love the idea of expressing myself like this on a regular basis. I cleared the space in my life and in it came. It's not magic, it just feels that way.

If you're so inclined, please click over every Wednesday and Friday for a fresh dose of "Game Plan." It's part of my Universal Flow.

Frankie says

Two days ago I wrote about not having Internet at home at the moment and how disconcerting it is. Yet I heard the big message: Relax when you're home.

But now I think the message is even bigger than that.

Relax. Don't always be so intense and driven.

Relax. Don't feel like you have to announce to prospective dates, employers, clients that you are available and interested. Let them inquire once in a while.

Relax. It's a confident thing to do.

Relax. It's a healthy thing to do.

Relax. You're doing great at life.

Relax.

Relax ...

Life's riches

I signed a new life coaching client today. Another kindred spirit.

It's like I've set up a magnet over here in Hoboken and it's drawing witty, smart, cool people who want to live life a little fuller. This one came via a referral from a former client who happens to be witty, smart and cool.

I am open to receive life's riches and they are coming in droves.

It fills me with gratitude.

Couch

The Universe has decided I should be without Internet in my home this week. While it is inconvenient, I have already deciphered the big message.

Relax when you're home.

Relax, baby.

Relax ...

Mani-FEST

Free again
Lucky, lucky me
Free again
Time to call up all the crowd
Raise the roof and shout out loud
Time to have a party
-- from Free Again by Barbra Streisand

A few weeks ago I made up my mind to leave my day job. It has served me well. I cleared space in my head and made the decision. Two days later, an ad for a terrific-sounding life coaching job appeared in my email box. Over a week later, I received an email regarding the possibility of being a columnist -- a long-held dream.

I wrote my resignation letter early last week and dated it for Friday, November 30. The next day I got the column offer. I'm still waiting to hear about the life coaching job. But in the meantime, great new clients have appeared.

I can't stress it enough. I cleared the space first. Then came the good stuff. Manifesting at its finest.

I am so free.

The good life

Sometimes this Universal Flow is so glorious.

It is said when you state your dreams/goals, The Universe will conspire to make them happen. There is so much happening in such fabulous succession right now. I know I am being cryptic, but sometimes it is simply wise to let things unfold naturally before blabbing about it from the mountaintop.

What I can say is I feel very much in step with my purpose and all good things will come from that. I have been laying the groundwork for years to live my life a certain way. I have been preparing for desired outcomes and the leaps of faith are paying off.

This is how I live. It's what works.

My life is good.

Space

Ha.

I was so busy manifesting last night that I never got around to blogging. Ironic, maybe.

I have a professional development. It's exciting. It's cool. I'm almost ready to talk about it here.

In the meantime, know this. There is power in clearing space, really clearing space, for new things to come in.

There is.

Good ear

Today I needed clarity on some things in my life that feel like breakthroughs. I reached out to someone wise.

She was scathingly honest.

I got my clarity.

Kindred spirits

Today I am talking to a prospective life coaching client who believes she manifests her life and I hear myself say how amazing it is that I attract people to my practice who have beliefs similar to mine.

And then I hear August Gold's message from the day before in my head. You either believe you manifest things in your life or you don't.

So it is not so amazing that the prospective client has found me.

I called her forth.

Anew

I went to the Sacred Center for Spiritual Living this morning for service. So good. And as always, synchronous.

Just yesterday I attended a baby shower and talked to my cousin about living in two worlds and how sometimes I feel like I straddle them. The traditional, limited world I grew up in that can make me feel comfortable but also sometimes caged. And the more evolved, educated one that is exciting and a good fit for me, but is sometimes daunting.

Fittingly, in today's sermon, Rev. August Gold talked about living in two worlds and how we have to pick one. You don't walk the path of manifesting your life today and then eschew it tomorrow. You either believe you manifest your life or you don't. You live in that "place" or you don't. By choosing, we liberate ourselves.

I feel like I have chosen the more evolved world in most areas of my life, but there is "old world" stuff lingering and sometimes it shows itself in ways that are surprising and disconcerting. It is time to shed that baggage, give my story a fresh start.

Yes, yes. In with the new.

Solitary confinement

Today I am back from a few days away, spending valuable time with family for Thanksgiving and more. It has been a busy time, but I have also had space to reflect and observe some things.

My brother asked me what I was most looking forward to when I got home. My own bed? My solitude?

I heard myself respond without a moment of thought, "Well, actually, I don't require as much solitude as I used to."

Hmmmmm. Perhaps I have turned a corner. One where I value private time but crave healthy companionship, too. Sounds like a small thing, but in my world it is very big.

For that I am thankful.

Lingering thoughts

I am staring at this page and I know what I have to write. I just don't want to.

The situation with The Professor is lingering in my mind. It has taken me about 11 days to figure out what's at the heart of that. It is this: I put a man's feelings second to writing this blog. What the hell is that about? And why didn't it occur to me at the time?

This blog is supposed to be about manifesting things in my life. Sometimes specific things. Since August 1, I mostly gave it over to the manifestation of a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. I am proud of my commitment to it and to writing about it here. I think that's obvious.

However, when assessing my second date with The Professor, I first made the assumption he was on the same page about it. I then justified telling him my conclusion via email before pretty much duplicating those thoughts in this blog. I knew he had plans that night and I couldn't reach him by phone. All I kept thinking was, "I must update the blog. I must be honest. The blog, the blog, the blog ... " I didn't even take time to breathe. Or consider his feelings. Imagine being on the receiving end of that.

Funny, even when writing this post, I thought perhaps I should just be writing this to him instead of repeating the act in this forum. But that isn't fair either, is it? Why write the obituary publicly and then eat crow privately? I was inconsiderate. I would not want a man to treat me that way in that situation.

It is important to me to admit it. Not berate myself, but take responsibility for what I chose to do. To learn.

I learned. And I had to write about it.

Contagious?

I'm sitting in a cafe writing. The couple in the next booth is very sweet and loving.

Hope it rubs off ...

Soul food

Something drew me to Sunday service at the Sacred Center for Spiritual Living today. It had been a while. Months, actually.

I walked in the door and within a minute I was swept in and enveloped in a soul dance. The music, the energy, the meditation. I cannot do it justice here.

The message delivered by the Rev. August Gold spoke to me for several reasons. One, its lesson was the one I never tire of hearing -- the answers we are seeking are within us. Two, she said the beginning of our story is supposed to be just that -- the beginning. Too often, we cling to or dwell on our past and take it with us as we continue to write the story of our lives. It has shaped who we are, of course, and understanding it is often invaluable to healthy progress. But must we carry it on our backs like an albatross?

I find that it is most difficult to do this in dating. This is when "old" things seem to unexpectedly come up, sometimes smacking me in the face. It can be jarring. Rev. Gold's words made me catch my breath at one point because I recognized my own recent actions were the result of what I was carrying around, so to speak.

Church was good for me today. So good.

My soul has been thanking me all day long.

Takeaway

One of the meaningful things I took away from my dates with The Professor was the joy of simple touch.

It's underrated.

Back in the game

With pictures fresh from a professional photo shoot in my possession and the online dating site throwing bargain prices at me begging me to come back, it looks promising that I'll take the plunge again. It keeps me sharp and in the game, to borrow some phrases from my sportswriting past.

It brings up an interesting question, though. How confident am I that I'll be manifesting a healthy relationship with a man sooner rather than later? The more months you purchase, the cheaper the fee is per month. Six months? A year? Yowza.

I have to ponder this. I think it's worth re-stating my affirmation in the meantime:

I am powerful, loving and harmonious and equipped to attract the ideal man for me, under grace in a perfect way.

And so it is. Bring him.

Onward and upward

I feel as if I'm taking a deep breath after getting to know more about myself. Each date this year has brought with it revelation.

This last time, the lesson was about the importance of healthy interplay and what that entails for me. I paid attention to signs instead of glazing over what my gut was telling me. That's how it should be.

I'm ready to forge on. With a smile.

Closure

I reached out to see if The Professor wanted to have what I envisioned as a sort of closure conversation. He said no. I had already written our obituary in this blog, he said, and he didn't see the point.

We even saw the purpose of the phone call very differently.

Further validating my decision.

I got my closure.

Checkmark

Last night I wrote a post on here about manifesting a professional opportunity. Today I received an email confirming receipt of my materials for that very opportunity and letting me know interviews would be held in a few weeks.

Now I just have to be patient.

Switching gears

I need a short (?) break from MAN-ifesting. Instead, it is time to manifest a professional opportunity.

I am focused on a particular venture, something for which I've enthusiastically applied. Just preparing the application package felt joyful. It will put more structure to my life coaching practice and take it up a notch. It has loads of benefits.

The next few weeks will be telling. I will get that phone call. I will kick butt on that interview. I am meant to be a part of this team. It will happen.

Under grace, in a perfect way.

Of princes and dates

I'm not sure how to begin this one.

My second date with The Professor had its really good moments. But overall it made me sad. He is a good man. But it seems he is not my good man.

We had a "moment" early in the date that bothered both of us. We talked it out. Then, for me, there was another and then another. A second date shouldn't be this hard, I thought. We have some basic differences that are a much bigger deal than I could have imagined. He's not right or wrong. I'm not right or wrong. We are who we are. One of us would have to change pretty drastically to make this work. Sadly, I believe this adds up to incompatibility.

When I returned to Hoboken at about midnight last night, I immediately called a dear friend as I walked back to my apartment from the train. I was upset and needed to talk. Blessedly, he was on his way back from the city himself and arrived a short time later. He listened well and gave me insightful feedback. He let me see that, despite my insecurities in that moment, I am on a good track and that I am lovable and loving and loved.

This was such a source of joy I cannot tell you. To be enveloped this way and shown my own goodness and beauty at a time of self-doubt.

I will feel the ripple effects of The Professor for a while, I suspect. I am so much closer to manifesting a wonderful relationship with a good man. He has opened my eyes to all kinds of things.

In a gesture of faith, I bought a Christmas ornament today that is a beautiful, sparkly frog with a shiny gold crown on its head. Yes, that prince is coming.

Here and now

A friend was telling me this week that she has a second date with a nice guy tomorrow. Her friends, based on a photo, have told her she's out of his league and that she should drop him.

Yikes.

By contrast, I have a second date tomorrow with a nice guy and I have entertained no opinions. It has taken a while to get here, but I don't give a rat's you-know-what what other people think of him. Not even people I love. I don't know him myself yet. Why would I put a vote on the floor?

I told my friend she needs to set boundaries with her friends. I asked her if any of these people were involved in relationships and if they had indeed picked their significant others by themselves or by committee. I suggested she take it as fast or as slow as felt right.

Most importantly, I told her to be in the moment. This is good advice. I know because I am following it. It allows for exploration, flirtation, trepidation, exhilaration.

It's good. I want her to experience that, too.

Timing

Have I mentioned that my membership to the online dating site expired last Sunday?

And that my terrific date with The Professor was just two days before that?

Too cool for words.

Number two

There is a second date with The Professor scheduled for Friday. Yeeha.

Now this is a bit embarrassing, but I can't recall the last time I had a second date. Not sure what that says, but there it is.

At this point I am choosing to look at it as a testament to this blog, on which I began expressing my desire to manifest a man for a wonderful, vibrant relationship on August 1. That's not to get ahead of myself here, or to put any pressure on The Professor. It's simply to say that something has changed and it is positive.

No victory lap yet.

Yet.

Steps

The Professor has been programmed into my phone.

It is a leap of faith.

He inspires that in me.

Post-date

The nice man, let's call him The Professor, called to make sure I got home safely last night. And then he called today to chat.

Feels as sweet as an embrace.

First date

Date report in a nutshell:

If there is a bigger turn-on than a sexy man who happens to be a good kisser telling me how much he likes my smartness and my prettiness, I don't know what it is.

But I have a hunch I'll find out.

Soon.

Health and love

I have been rereading Eat, Pray, Love to get more of a writer's eye on it. The first time I was, plain and simple, a rapt reader. Now, as I near the end, I find myself slipping back into reader mode. That is a testament to author Elizabeth Gilbert's beautiful and captivating turn of phrase. And, of course, to her description of falling in love with a wonderful, older Brazilian man in Bali.

It is so compelling to me to read about love that blossoms from a place of emotional health. I have done so much work in that area and could not be more proud of it. I delight in the idea of being in a relationship with someone who is equally proud of who he's become.

My date with the nice guy from the online site is tomorrow night. His emails make me smile. I'm excited about meeting him.

Stay tuned.

Fairy tale

It's Halloween. Maybe my doorbell will ring, only to reveal Prince Charming in all his glory. Hmmmm. Maybe I should have dressed up as a Princess, complete with gown and upswept hair.

That is how you manifest a Prince.

Ahhhhh ...

I'm ready to meet the man whose eyes I will look into and know that all the risks that come with true commitment are worth taking.

Yes.

Him.

Brunch

Went to brunch with my mother and sister in the Jersey 'burbs today. There was a couple sitting across from us dressed in comfy Sunday attire, each reading a section of the paper as they drank coffee.

I like when couples are that comfortable with each other. Together, but separate.

It's good.

In the cards

Went to buy my cousin a birthday card at CVS today. He happens to be a nice guy with a smart sense of humor, so I was hoping for something clever.

I was dismayed to find almost every single funny card in the section that said "guy" was about beer. The fun of drinking too much of it. The fantasy of having it pumped in by IV. Yada, yada, yada.

Uh, hello. This is my choice? Beer or beer? Frat humor or frat humor?

The grownup men of the world should rise up in revolt.

Step two

Made a date with the nice-sounding guy for next week. This is the one from the phone last night.

Plus, there's some cool stuff on my calendar over the next two weeks that may yield fresh contacts for potential friendships/relationships.

I'm living my life. Letting people in. It's good.

Especially since I've gone long spells of not doing this in the past.

It's good.

Connection

Just spoke to a pleasant guy from the online dating site. Conversation was easy, smart. There will be more.

That's a start.

Step lively

I left my "day" job shift today and headed to Starbucks near the Empire State Building to meet a life coaching client. We had a lively session. Afterwards, as I walked to catch the PATH train, I noticed that men were meeting me eye to eye. And immediately I knew it had everything to do with the positive vibe I was emitting at that moment as opposed to earlier.

What a lesson. How fabulous is it to know that by simply doing what I love, helping people see their lives more clearly, I can organically be more compelling to casual onlookers? Imagine how that translates in real encounters where we engage another person more fully.

There is power in pursuing our passion.

Cool place

Yesterday I wrote about an online dating prospect whose vibe I just wasn't feeling, shall we say. I wrote him tonight with a frank apology and disengaged. I have moved out of Weird Place.

Deep breath.

Simultaneously, I am in correspondence with a guy who really intrigues me on several levels. Now this is a vibe you want to have at this phase of the process!

Stay tuned.

Weird place

I am at that place in online dating. I'll call it Weird Place. I correspond with a guy who seems OK, but I just don't find him engaging for whatever reason. But maybe in person he's great, I think.

So I keep up the correspondence and each response makes me more certain that we're not a good match. It's not really tangible. It's a vibe.

It would be awfully rude to just disentangle now. Or would it? The critic voices in my head say, "How will you know if you don't meet him?" Or, "You're a horrible human being if you don't meet him." Or, "How shallow can you be?"

The realist in me counters with, "Why waste your time or his?" Or, "You're doing him a favor if this is how you feel." Or, "Why is it shallow to follow your gut? You're not basing this on materialism or looks. That would be shallow!"

So it'll be a phone conversation. That should provide more information, more of a gauge.

I don't like residing in Weird Place. I need out.

Then and now

Something prompted me today to recall a date I had about seven years ago. A Frenchman who had become an American citizen. We met for a drink. He was engaging, smart, nice to look at. He started talking about organized religion being a cult. My haughty self argued with him and took it completely personally.

My, how times have changed. Now we'd have a lot to talk about.

Frogs, etc.

The good-vibe, hot guy on the dating website closed the match I initiated. The box he checked for reason was "other."

Whoo boy. My skin is getting thicker by the minute.

Incidental inspiration

I heard author Elizabeth Gilbert speak at a luncheon today. She is inspiring because she isn't trying to be. Her book Eat, Pray, Love is about so much, but in a neat word it's about 'truth.'

And so that made me think of a friend I ran into the other day who asked, "How's that manifesting a man thing going?" She smiled a knowing smile.

The truth is, it's hard. Not grueling hard. Or walking 10 miles uphill in the snow hard. But hard nonetheless. If you look for him, one theory goes, you won't find him. If you don't look for him, another theory goes, you don't really want him in your life because you should go after what you want.

I think they're both sort of true on any given day. The idea is to be open to his arrival, to be alert and present when meeting new people, to engage in life and naturally attract like-minded others.

Elizabeth Gilbert went on a quest to find herself and in the process she met a dear man who became her husband. Inspiring.

Precisely because she wasn't looking.

You dog

After a long and loyal relationship, I cheated today. I had a craving, I had the opportunity to feed it, and I did. I have a semblance of guilt. But it was worth it.

I mean, Gray's Papaya has been good to me. The hotdogs have just the right snap, the bun lightly grilled, the mustard just right. But today I was near Chelsea Papaya. It called to me. Hotdogs ... hotdogs ... hotdogs. And I succumbed. And I found out Chelsea Papaya has one thing Gray's doesn't -- relish. It was my undoing.

I stepped out. I did. Color me scarlet.

The beat goes on

Just wrote to a totally new guy on the online dating site. Loved his profile. Great vibe. And, OK, pretty hot, too.

Come on, baby.

I'm a catch waiting to be caught.

Get cooking

Today was one of those lazy days where I made a couple of pots of soup, tried an herbed tomato recipe I saw on The Food Network, and caught up with dear friends. I love that I've ventured into the cooking realm a little more. I'm no gourmet, but I'm much more curious and willing to try different things.

Yikes. I'm a little bit more of a typical Italian-American girl than I thought.

Should I add that to my dating profile?

Things in common

I opened communication with a guy on the dating Web site. Guided communication, they call it.

I like the attitude that came across in his profile. He likes to live and explore.

I'd like a partner in living and exploring.

I really would.

So far, so good.

In the cards

My dear tarot-reading life coaching client flipped three cards for me after our session this evening, just as she did after our last session. A tradition in the making. I love this.

The Justice card, subtitled "Going to the top," focuses on sexuality and how it ties into living life to the fullest. Fantastic, yes? The 5 of Wands card is about living well and how right now I have a lot of fires burning and I'm not sure which to pay attention to at any given moment. So true.

But the one that almost made me gasp to hear was The Fool card. It challenges you to have the courage to face the future and walk your own path even if your back isn't covered. There is a great path before me, it says, and the greater the path, the greater the panic. It makes this stunning statement: Fulfilling your important desires and resolving your obsessive fears are now your daily tasks.

It is so, so right. My desires are very BIG and my fears are very obsessive. They go hand in hand. I get it.

And I accept the mission.

The dating game

This is how you know you're dating in 2007:

You blog about your date, saying it was nice but there was no chemistry. Your date emails you the next day, thanks you for a nice time and says he agrees that there was no chemistry.

He has read the blog. Makes you laugh out loud.

His parting thought: Remember, we're one person closer!

You've gotta love that.

More Tao

On September 23 I wrote about starting Wayne Dyer's new book where he reflects on the 81 verses in the Tao Te Ching. This week I am pondering the second verse and its relevancy to my life now and as a whole.

(Incidentally, you can read the complete Tao here:
http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/core9/phalsall/texts/taote-v3.html.)

For me, the most central insight of the second verse is to be aware of duality and judgment. Beautiful vs. ugly. Right vs. wrong. Labels we put on things. I am so aware of that in my daily life and I think it has made me a more compassionate, reasoned person. Truthfully, I think it will make me a better partner in a relationship.

I also like that this verse reminds us, in Dyer's words, to practice "effortless action without attachment to outcome." This has been a conscious decision for me and I've applied it to so many situations in my life. That said, I need to incorporate it -- or better yet, embody it -- even more.

Dyer says that if Lao-tzu had to sum up the second verse in today's language, he would simply say: Just be.

Hmmmm. Yes. Maybe it's time to live that.

Elevation

Bought a pair of black, pointy, knee-high boots today that make me feel like a sex machine.

Just thought I'd mention it :)

Missing ingredient

Had a lunch date. Nice conversation, nice meal, nice man.

No chemistry. I think it was mutual.

Giving back

In a recent post I wrote about James, the homeless man I interact with almost every day, and how he gave me a Christian-themed booklet:

http://theuniversalflow.blogspot.com/2007/09/good-life.html

Well, when I told him I wasn't aligned with its content, he asked for it back so he could give it to someone else. I returned it to him today, thanking him graciously for thinking of me. James shrugged and said it's kind of like when Bill Gates gave all these people he knew a chance to get in on Microsoft at the beginning -- the ones who chose not to are really regretting it now.

Wow. I think my eyebrows raised a bit and then I just smiled. This man really believes he invited me to partake in the Promised Land and that someday I'd regret passing it up.

Wow.

Overheard

Had a long work day. Slid on the workout sneakers and headed out for a power walk at about 8 o'clock. Looped around Pier A Park at the waterfront. A couple, maybe early 40s, caught my eye. They were sitting close together on the ledge near the river. Everything about their body language was loving.

"You are extraordinary," she said to him.

I breezed by, taken by how fabulous it must feel to say that to someone.

Alert!

Date pending.

Pace

After writing here last week that my life is too cut up into chunks,

After realizing that I keep saying I want to manifest a relationship but that I haven't created time for it,

After a dose of soul searching,

I have begun to put wheels in motion that will create space.

Not just for a relationship,

But for breathing.

Prospect-ing

Spent the better part of two hours on the phone with a dating prospect. Really nice, smart, funny guy.

We have a nice rhythm. This is what I know.

Stay tuned ...

Tomorrow?

I guess it is to be expected that there are days I just don't give a hoot about manifesting a man. Today was one of them.

My heart

My sister had a garage sale out in the Jersey 'burbs today and the whole family converged. It was fun. The weather was great. We laughed a lot.

She was selling a heart-shaped pin that she had never worn. It caught my eye because I love heart-shaped jewelry and because it was silver and gold and looked very artsy. She told me to take it.

And so I did. It wasn't until I got home that I realized the silver heart overlaying the gold one could be lifted to reveal a message:

My heart is a home for love.

The artist's message, also something I didn't notice until I read the cardboard piece later, explains that he acquired the materials for his jewelry by traveling the world as a modern-day sailor.

I can't wait to wear it.

The good life

When I started writing this particular blog, its original intent was to talk about spirituality Nancy-style. It grew to become a place where I've publicly been talking about manifesting a man, as I found that to be a natural extension or illustration of my spiritual style.

While that is still going strong, I must deviate from the man path today and write about the homeless man I talk to every day in Manhattan. James, who likes to talk about Jesus, handed me a booklet on Monday titled Apostle Paul's Repentance. I am open enough to read these things despite not considering myself a Christian, so I turned it over to read the back cover and here's what stopped me short:

We were separated from God because of sin. Subsequently, we had to wander in darkness, guilt, pain, and fear instead of relishing true satisfaction, happiness, and blessings of God.

I can't say this emphatically enough -- NO!!!!

It's the exact opposite. What separates many Christians (not all, OK?) from relishing true satisfaction, happiness and blessings is the belief that we were born sinners and the fact that we were taught to live in darkness, guilt, pain and fear.

I knew immediately that I was going no further with the booklet. James asked me about it today and I was honest with him. He talked about Jesus saving my soul. I told him my soul didn't need saving. I live a good life. He shook his head in dismay. He doesn't think that's enough.

I do.

Rich

A client did a quick reading of my tarot cards this evening. The main card I drew was the Wheel of Fortune. Oh yeah.

What struck me as interesting was the reading that accompanied the card because it said to "stop cutting yourself into chunks." That resonates with me so much. My life has become very compartmentalized and I've just begun to work on integrating it more.

That means work, relationships, spirit -- all of it. What's the alternative? Do I really want to squeeze a relationship into my spare time? Uh, no. Not a formula for success, methinks.

I'm all over that Wheel of Fortune. I'm surrounded by richness.

Blahhhhhh

Last night I cancelled dinner plans and plopped on my couch. Low grade headache, nausea. Very nice. Attractive, too.

Can you say, man repellent?

Thank God for ginger ale.

Sashay

I have been on a quest for the perfect shoe. I have dresses that require a pump or a slingback. They need to be not-too-high so I can walk for blocks. They need to be not-too-pointy so my toes aren't squished. They need to be not-too-round-toed so my legs are elongated.

But the heel needs to be high enough to give my calf that sexy lift that only a pump can give a woman.

That one's for the gents.

Embracing the Tao (again)

I was compelled this weekend to buy Wayne Dyer's new book about the Tao Te Ching called Change Your Thoughts -- Change Your Life, Living the Wisdom of the Tao. I had seen him talking about it on PBS one day and was drawn in by his anecdotes and his relaxed style. And, of course, by the topic.

Lao-Tzu wrote 81 verses (To see them all, check out http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/core9/phalsall/texts/taote-v3.html) and Dyer has pondered each one and written an essay on it. What struck me immediately is that by its very nature and structure, the book is asking me to practice discipline and patience. In other words, don't devour the book but take one verse and its corresponding essay and live with it for a few days.

And so that brings me to my mission here: manifesting a man for a wonderful relationship. Dyer says of the first verse, "Let relationships be ... since everything is going to stretch out in Divine order. Don't try so hard to make something work -- simply allow." Okay.

But this verse is also about the difference between trying and doing. And this goal I have is alternately those things, depending on the day. What this blog allows me to do is keep it on my radar and not put it aside as I have been known to do through various stages of my life.

It matters more now. It just does.

Space matters

Lately I've been thinking about this crowded life of mine and how as a life coach I help people achieve balance. And how I keep writing about manifesting a relationship with a great guy but how there's very little room for him.

Hmmmmmm.

I just stripped another layer of excess in my closet. Maybe it's time to apply it to my time. Something has to go.

This is up for review.

Score and score

Two stories today. One, guy gets girl. The other, girl gets guy. Two very different sources, but both inspirational to me.

The first was the guy I mentioned yesterday in this very blog. He and I went on one date last spring (see Sept. 19 http://theuniversalflow.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html). Today he wrote to tell me he met a woman that he's been dating for four months. It made me feel so good! He's a great guy. He's just not my great guy. And he persevered on the dating site and it paid off.

The other story I loved today was an interview piece on author Elizabeth Gilbert I saw on www.beliefnet.com. Anyone who is even remotely in my life knows how obsessed I was with her wonderful book, Eat, Pray, Love earlier this summer. I even began this blog with an entry about it (see July 8 post http://theuniversalflow.blogspot.com/2007_07_01_archive.html). In the Love portion of the book, which is non-fiction, she meets a wonderful Brazilian man in Indonesia. Well, in this interview today I read that they have since gotten married and live in New Jersey!

Beautiful.

Re-appearance

Got an email today from a guy I went on a date with back in the spring. We were killer on the phone. Great rapport. Our conversations were smart and quick-witted and, in turn, very sexy. I was convinced from hours on the phone that we would have that kind of magnetic attraction that's just delicious.

But no. Not so.

He wrote to say hi today. It brought the memory back. I learned a lot from him in our brief few weeks of connection, mostly that there are some great guys out there.

Passive choice

So the online dating site has me in a holding pattern at the moment. There are three guys I'm either corresponding with or trying to initiate correspondence with. Meanwhile, I'm twiddling my thumbs waiting for responses. Passivity is not my friend.

I had to close one match when this decent-sounding guy said one too many times that he is very giving, but his needs must be met in a relationship as well. While that's a perfectly reasonable request, the repetition tells me he has had this issue in a past relationship and hasn't resolved it. Sometimes we don't realize what's between the lines when we write our profiles.

Thankfully, there's some social stuff on the agenda in the coming week and more chance for some organic encounters. I am also still admittedly curious about a particular man, but I'm nervous about my intuition on that score. Need to let it be.

I'm in thick of it. Yes, I am.

Re-affirmation

My creative self is in one of those transition times that is simultaneously unsettling and jubilant and it is making me a little skittish. But I am not deterred from my mission here.

A reminder of my affirmation for manifesting a man for a wonderful relationship:

I am powerful, loving and harmonious and equipped to attract the ideal man for me, under grace in a perfect way.

He's on his way ...

I've got mail

I came home from being away for a week only to find my dating site mailbox filled with new prospects. I responded to one interested fella and took a look at a bunch of others.

Hmmmm, better check the status of my dating wardrobe ...

Mr. Available

Lately I keep meeting men who are conversational, vibrant, thoughtful, mindful of spirit, smart, sexy, engaging and creative.

Hey, Universe, now how about one who's available?

Come on, baby. Bring him.

Who's ideal?

I'm at this writing workshop for week and have been trying to stay within the integrity of keeping this time for my book and for working out. I have been successful so far, but on this little break in the action I am compelled to share something that our instructor said this morning. And so I indulge in a bit of blogging.

In teaching us how to deepen our characters, somehow the discussion goes to the ideal man and our instructor says that sometimes he thinks for women that would be a guy who works out, drives a Maserati, has a million bucks and is carrying a puppy. (He's a cool, seemingly evolved guy, so I think he was joking.)

But the point is, that doesn't sound like such a bargain to me. First of all, a guy who cares about his health is good, but a buff bod requires a lot of time that could be spent in better ways. Second, well, I'll confess the car would be nice, but not if it's a macho symbol substituting for self-confidence. Third, if a guy has a million or more bucks, I'd prefer to find out after I've gotten to know what he thinks about issues and how he sees the world; money is wonderful if it's in perspective and not his best quality. Fourth, count me in the minority, but you can keep the puppy; I'm not a big fan of animal saliva.

That's all.

Taking it public

I'm in the midst of much opportunity to meet new people right now. Yesterday I attended a party for a former professor/mentor of mine who retired and there were connections old and new. Tomorrow I leave for a writing workshop where I will know no one.

I love that all of this involves being surrounded by writers and writing. There's such a good energy around it all and it's a breeding ground for potential personal connections as well.

The more I write about manifesting a man, the more I realize how much confidence it takes and how much of it I have apparently gained the last few years. I could never have admitted publicly that I was seeking a relationship. Now I tell people enthusiastically and so many seem to not only love it, but they start going through their social and professional connections in their mind.

September holds much promise.

Keeping current

Well, time for some updates on the man manifestation situation. (Note: For readers new to my blog, I vowed on August 1 http://theuniversalflow.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html to use this forum to publicly manifest a man for a wonderful relationship and I've been doing it ever since.)

Last night a friend asked me over for some paella. How does a girl say no to that? Upon my arrival he made me a margarita so strong I was sloshed before I finished it. I am not exaggerating. I told him I was partway to my man manifestation goal. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Well, I thought it would be great to have a man get me tipsy and then try to make a move." He laughed. Let's just say I'm not his type and there were no moves.

So, as indicated in earlier posts, I reached out to the guy with whom I'm sort of intrigued. No response. Soooooooo, he either reaches out because he realizes what he's missing over here or he doesn't. Life is short. My eyes are wide open.

The latest match sent to me by the online dating service wants someone with a "motherly" side. Now, my sister just two weeks ago remarked on my maternal abilities with my 4-year-old niece and that was a nice observation, but hell if I want to practice those skills on a man in a relationship. As I said before, I'll bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, but playing mommy to a grown man isn't in the cards. I closed the match.

September is a time for fresh starts. I'm feeling it.

Inside out

One of the things I've learned in maturity and in my quest for inner peace is to think about outcomes. Before I get worked up about something, I sort through the worst possible scenario in my head and it almost always makes me calm.

The same goes for when I make a decision to do something that feels bold, like express myself to a man who really intrigues me. I won't do it unless I'm sure I'm not attached to the result. So if the response from him is less than enthusiastic, there will be no pouting, no eating ice cream, no using it as an excuse to be in a "bad mood."

Happiness emanates from the inside out, not the outside in. It'll be a real kick if I get a date out of my boldness. But if I don't, there's another man right around the corner.

I'm sure of it.

Honest

I have decided to surround myself with people who make me want to be a better person or whose presence in my life has made me a better person. Today one friend who falls in both categories showed me why that is wise.

He told me this blog was too safe, that I was too conscious of my audience, that I could go deeper. "You want me to talk about vibrators, don't you?" I retorted. But of course I was tossing out a line to cover how right I knew he was.

I have, in fact, been a little blocked writing this the past few days and here's why: I am a bit focused on a particular guy and I want to know if I have a shot. So I'm finally doing something about it. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, the online dating site sent two new matches to my mailbox. One guy writes in his profile, "Please be a size 6 or less." I came out of the womb larger than a six, so I ditched him. The second guy is seeking someone petite. Again, I wasn't petite in my crib, so onward and upward.

Ahhhhhh. This was a bit of a purge.

I am a better person for it. (Thanks, doll.)

A natural woman

There is a cute young couple in my apartment building. They got married in May and just sent out links to look at their wedding pictures. I enjoyed looking through the photos, but was particularly taken with shots of the bride on a beach. They gave a nice view of the back of her dress and she looked so relaxed and happy.

This evening I ran into the happy couple in front of our building and we talked about the photos. To my surprise, the shots on the beach were taken after they returned from their honeymoon. At the groom's request, the bride was not wearing makeup in them. It seems he loves the way she looks without it.

This little conversation tugged at my heart strings. We're just so socialized to believe that we have to put our best "face" forward to attract a man. That we have to be all done up.

In fact, if we listen to men, this is simply not true. How refreshing.

Back in the game

I'm back! I'm back! I'm back!

OK, had to get that out of my system. No matter how relaxing or enjoyable a getaway, it's always good to be home, isn't it?

Not that my eyes and ears were closed to the male species while I was at the beach, but truly I am back in man manifestation mode. I'm excited about expanding my horizons, cultivating a healthy relationship and being back in my urban environment.

In the meantime, I bought some great dresses while I was away. A new pair of heels is in my near future.

I feel fabulous!

Where the odds are

My beach vacation is coming to a close tomorrow. It has been fun, but when it comes to manifesting a man, the odds are not that great here in Lavallette. It's filled with families and has a nice vibe, but people pretty much keep to themselves.

I'm about ready for my urban life again. It seems much more filled with possibility.

Let the manifesting resume ...

Storybook thoughts

It's almost too sappy to share, but blog I must, even occasionally on vacation. I'm at the beach. It's been gorgeous. Last night there was a full, bright orange moon. It was shimmering on the ocean. I thought of romance. A walk.

A great guy who likes sand between his toes ...

Way to his heart

I was going through some old issues of O magazine. I hate to part with them because I enjoy them so, but ultimately I enjoy organization in my home more.

So I came across a memorable piece written by a woman who prepared a special Bolognese Sauce when she wanted to show a man she really cared. Because it simmers for hours, it fills the house with a wonderful aroma yet still allows for getting yourself ready if it's a special evening. The recipe was part of the story, which I found completely endearing.

I specifically remember enjoying the article the first time around and shutting the magazine afterwards. It didn't occur to me to cut out the recipe because there wasn't a specific man I was trying to impress.

Now I have a whole different attitude. I cut out the recipe.

Just asking ...

So if indeed we manifest everything in our lives, why has the daily spam in my email folder quadrupled? And why do most of the emails pose sexual questions?

Universe?

Vision quest

Decided to create a vision board, a la The Secret. The idea is to make your goal more concrete and visual. So I grabbed some magazines last night, about 9:00, and started pulling images and crafting my man/relationship concept.

Ironically, it was right about then that sex in a very young package appeared on my doorstep. And I turned it away. Which, when told to my friend Mary, prompted this quip, "Sex on your doorstep? Sounds like the title of a novel."

Just hours before another young lovely on a skateboard had asked me to "hop on." Another clever name for a novel? The Universe is having a blast, yes?

Mary suggests that my "love light" is definitely on. Now I just need to use it to attract a whole, sweet man for a multi-dimensional relationship.

Seems that vision board needs to be very clear.

Male review

A review/update is in order as I continue my quest to manifest a wonderful man for a fabulous relationship and document it on this blog:

-- I didn't buy new sponges or make room in my sock drawer as described in my August 5 post titled, "Bringing in Ken." Nor did I make over my Barbie bathroom. However, as promised in my August 14 entry ("In the pink"), the pink tank top is a goner. In the garbage. Finito. Whew! And, as indicated on August 10 ("Picture it"), I did put a heart-shaped frame on my desk.

-- The 25-year-old mentioned in "The lust factor" on August 6 saw me coming out of my apartment building today as he was gliding by on a skateboard. Asked me if I wanted to hop on. How does a grown woman not laugh out loud at that? But he is trouble, a flashing red light, and so I let it lighten my step and headed to the gym.

-- I still want to dance and travel and talk deep into the night and, yes, other things with this pending man.

-- The online dating site isn't producing much in the way of dates, but has been extremely illuminating in the area of learning how to ask for what I really want.

-- Add to the list of things in my home that need a dose of testosterone -- my DVD player isn't working. For the complete rundown, see August 13 ("Help! I need somebody").

-- The poem called The Invitation continues to haunt and delight me in its profundity. See the August 8 entry titled "Essence" to read it.

-- Every day I ask The Universe to present the right circumstance for my bold move, as described in my August 16 post ("Fear not").

So there you have it. I end with my affirmation:

I am powerful, loving and harmonious and equipped to attract the ideal man for me, under grace in a perfect way.

Just say no

Another potential date on an online dating service. He seems nice, but immediately wants to skip over the preliminaries and sends his personal email address. I tell him I'd prefer to keep using the designated format and its secure email system. Next phase, he sends his personal email address again.

I hear a voice in my head. It is my friend Erin Weed saying, "You want to be wary of a guy who doesn't hear 'No.'"

He doesn't hear 'No.'

I close the match.

Tingly

" ... you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

-- Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ...

Beauty

I have been working so hard on my inner self that The Universe must have decided to bestow some fine gifts upon me, gifts that would be luxurious for my outer beauty.

A life coaching client gave me this nifty lip balm with healing qualities that is a treat at the end of a long day. A former client who I recently met for lunch happens to work for Bliss spa and she brought me a great tube of stuff called 'manicure's best friend.' It softens and heals your nails and cuticles. Another treat.

Then last week the same client who gave me the lip balm came to our session looking glow-y and she smelled great. Part of it was the natural glow of having met a great guy. But when I commented that I liked the fragrance, she reached her arm across the table and said, "Feel my arm." The skin was so soft.

Long story short, she directed me to a store called Good Kleen Fun and a product line called Kai. According to the salesgirl there, it's the hottest rage in L.A. There's a body lotion and a body glow product that's basically a dry oil spray. The combo is so fabulous and decadent feeling.

Let's just say I'm soft. In all the right ways.

Fear not

I am captivated by a particular man. I think he knows it. I think it's mutual.

Several times I have prayed for signs to guide me and each time I have received one. You see, I think I may have sabotaged it a while back.

I am close to doing something bold ...

Seeing

A friend and former client gave me the great gift of a book called The Way To Love, The Last Meditations of Anthony De Mello. De Mello was a Jesuit priest.

When I first read the book over a year ago, I read it through, in order. There are 31 meditations, all very wise and compelling. But now I pick it up and go to the table of contents and see what speaks to me. It's like a shot of spiritual adrenaline.

Here's a piece of what I read today. The meditation is called, "Be Awake":

... [T]he first act of love is to see this person or this object, this reality as it truly is. And this involves the enormous discipline of dropping your desires, your prejudices, your memories, your projections, your selective way of looking, a discipline so great that most people would rather plunge headlong into good actions and service than submit to the burning fire of this asceticism. When you set out to serve someone whom you have not taken the trouble to see, are you meeting that person's need or your own? So the first ingredient of love is to really see the other.

I am so immersed in this process right now. I loved reading this as part road map, part validation.

It is central to my journey.

In the pink

So there's this old shirt. I've had it since the 80s. Bought it at Seaside Heights. It's a big pink tank top with extra big armholes. I have worn it over a bathing suit, over bike shorts for a workout and, most recently, around my home when I want to be really cool and comfortable.

The thing is, even when it's clean it's kind of beyond grungy. Not in a million years would I ever let a man set eyes on it.

See where I'm going with this? Let it out, let him in.

I'm so reluctant to let it go, though, that I told the one person I knew would pull no punches -- my friend, Mary, whose specialty is simplifying people's lives. She was oh-so-subtle last night after we parted at my doorstep -- "Enjoy wearing that shirt for the last time."

Oh God. Accountability. What have I done?

Mary told me to make sure to replace it with something and suggested the Victoria's Secret "Pink" line. Hmmmmm. The tank top is pink. Pink for pink, at least in theory.

Sounds like a plan.

Help! I need somebody

Dare I go here? Yes, I am going to make some true confessions on the topic of traditional gender roles.

Yesterday I called a neighbor I don't know very well to climb a ladder to reach my 12-foot living room ceiling and put my smoke alarm out of its misery. Chirp, chirp, chirp and then a voice, "low battery." The first time I heard this was at 5 a.m. and it startled me because I thought someone was in my apartment.

Today the light bulb, the last functioning one, went out in my kitchen ceiling fixture. And, oh, I blew a fuse running my air conditioner (I did manage to fix this one).

Listen, I am as independent as they come, to a fault actually. (Just ask my dear old dad.) I really, really, really would love to be able to turn to my fabulous fella in times like these (not to mention bug issues, electronic equipment hook-ups, etc.). There was a time when I wouldn't admit it, but now?

Bring on the testosterone and all its perks. I'll be happy to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan in return.

Sharing the wealth

Since August 1 I have used this blog to track my steps and observations regarding manifesting a man for a wonderful relationship. What I really like about doing this is that it has made me meditative and mindful of love and its possibilties on a daily basis. It has also made me check my own behavioral patterns and examine what I might do to remain open to that possibility.

I think the bulk of 2007 has been transformative for me in this area. What I thought about letting a man into my life six months ago and how I feel about it now are very different. Intrusion then vs. readiness now. I feel like I'm ready to take it on, all of it. I think that's obvious in how I am wearing my heart on my sleeve in this public forum.

So often in our society people make snap judgments about us based on whether we're "attached." I used to bristle at this. Now I realize that it does say something about us. There are so many marriages out there that make me cringe, but the people in them often feel safe. They want others to feel safe, too.

I have been creating my own form of safe living and it has been mostly good. I live a rich life. But now there is something to be said for sharing the wealth. I needed the better part of this year to learn this, to admit it even.

There, I said it.

Refueling

Went to an upscale restaurant/bar with some friends tonight. We were all wiped out from a long day. We checked out the scene. Had some good food, good conversation. But then we suppressed yawns as the day caught up to us.

I will have to resume manifesting a man tomorrow ...

Picture it

Bought a sweet pewter frame for my desk today. Has a heart-shaped cutout where the photo goes.

Would normally walk right by those in the store. They're for people who have a romantic partner to put in there, I'd think.

But I'm manifesting a fabulous relationship with a wonderful man. So it's on my desk ... waiting.

Luminous!

A note from another dating prospect that I swear I didn't make up:

Hi Nancy!

I hope you enjoyed this beautiful summer day! It is a pleasure to meet you! I am a motivational speaker and I will be starting a book soon myself! Would you like to speak on the phone? It is so much better than typing back and forth.

Create a Luminous Day!

Now, I like the idea of a guy who makes his living motivating others. We have that in common. But truly, I got out of the public relations business when I was in my 20s because I'm not a big fan of the exclamation point.

Anyway, before I even had a chance to respond that I would like to talk on the phone, he closed the connection. Exclamation points AND no patience? OK, Universe, I read you.

Sometimes, though, it takes an outside observation for some illumination. Knowing that I absolutely believe it is within our power to create a luminous day, a friend remarked, "You're getting closer."

I'll take that.

Essence

My friend Erin sent this to me today and I love, love, love it. What a wonderful way to express what I believe and how I see life without getting out a laundry list of cliches and qualifications.

Without further ado:

The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon ...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Sweet signs

I have been manifesting things like crazy this week. I think it is a glaring sign that I'm in the Flow.

There is so much abundance showing itself in ways big and small and everywhere in between. Notebooks I wanted that somehow my mother anticipated and bought me. A book I had a sudden urge to read that appeared next to my desk at work and that I was able to borrow. A financial concern quelled by an unexpected check in my mailbox.

Honestly, can my sweet man be far behind?

My affirmation bears repeating:

I am powerful, loving and harmonious and equipped to attract the ideal man for me, under grace in a perfect way.

And so it is.

The lust factor

OK, it's time to talk about lust. Because in the last 24 hours, this is what I'm attracting.

Now, don't get me wrong. I want lust in my life. (Got that, Universe? I WANT lust in my life.) However, I want it in combination with the other stuff. (See August 1 post for a more specific list of 'other stuff.') So I think I must examine what it is I'm doing or what my vibe is saying that is drawing situations like these to me:

-- A man on the PATH train yesterday evening was sitting across from me and staring at me with such undisguised lust that it made me uneasy. I kept looking away, but his appreciative gaze was fixed on me. The best I could do was raise my eyebrow in acknowledgement. I was very uncomfortable. This is not a complaint, just honest feelings in the moment.

-- This morning as I walked out of my apartment building talking to my neighbor, an attractive man walked by us going in the opposite direction. He was clearly checking me out as well and after he walked by I turned my body completely around to look some more. He had turned also and caught me red-handed. We both kept walking, but it was a funny moment.

-- This afternoon, a guy 20 years younger than me who really likes to flirt was turning on the charm something fierce. I see him in my neighborhood regularly and he is always very assertive in his admiration. He's sweet, but certainly not a prospect for anything but a physical connection. (Note: I know this because one day I basically came right out and asked him what he wanted from me. That kind of forthrightness is one of the perks of being in your 40s.)

While all of this is flattering and fun and in some cases tempting, it was not what I had in mind when I decided to manifest a soulful and vibrant relationship with a man. I am choosing to see these things as signs that I'm continuing to give off positive energy, but that perhaps conversationally I need to open up a bit. Of course, ideally I will meet a nice guy, become friends and then it will organically deepen into a more intimate connection.

It seems an affirmation is in order:

I am powerful, loving and harmonious and equipped to attract the ideal man for me, under grace in a perfect way.

And so it is.

Bringing in Ken

One day a life coach friend and I were talking about things in our homes that might be "stopping" us from attracting a great man into our lives. By this we meant neglected areas or things we might find embarrassing to share with another. It's kind of like a Sex and the City episode where Miranda is petrified of inviting Steve to live with her because he'll find out her sponges smell.

Translation: It's not about the sponges.

Sometimes it's just plain hard to let someone that far in. So ... it's time for me to look around my place and see what needs addressing. In The Secret, a woman trying to manifest a man made room in her sock drawer and her garage, and she also started sleeping on one side of the bed to send The Universe the signal that she was ready to invite someone all the way in.

It's been suggested to me by several men over the years that the bathroom done up completely in a Barbie theme is a little unsettling for them. One friend said he felt like he was being "watched." I have since added a bit of Ken to the decor, but clearly it is Barbie's domain. Perhaps this needs assessing.

And, well, maybe I can move my socks over. And get some new sponges ...

Sharpening the focus

About 15 years ago when I worked at a newspaper, there were two photographers on staff who met there and eventually got married. One day I asked Mary how married life was treating her.

"It's like being alone, only better," she said.

This came back to me this week because this is precisely what I want to experience in a meaningful relationship. Only people who find joy in solitude can understand how perfect that statement is.

That said, I adore my solitude, but I find lately I don't need as much of it as I used to. I do, however, need a man who respects my independence and who "has a life" himself. Two whole entities make for a more meaningful merger, yes?

I believe I am forming a clear affirmation here.

Request line

Little did I know when I embarked on this venture to manifest a man (see August 1 post) that I'd be taking requests. My brother checked in with his:

While you're at it, could you manifest a guy with Giants' season tickets and reserve parking?

This made me laugh out loud. And I mean, out loud.

But it also got me thinking about those things I'd like in a mate, but don't necessarily require. Dancing, for one. The desire to explore cities all over this country and other parts of the world, for another.

There is something very liberating about being this vulnerable. Someone asked me, "Why now?" And I think the answer is, "I'm finally ready." I thought I was for a long time, but really it is only now that I feel whole and proud of what I have to offer another.

This exercise in manifestation made me feel more engaged with people I came in contact with today. I connected eye to eye. I felt my spirit lift when I saw a particularly special guy and felt like I naturally exuded positive energy.

I'm on the right track. I'm continuing to believe. And yes, I'm even taking requests.

'Man'-ifestation

Virgil said, "Fortune favors the bold." Well, color me bold. I've decided that I can keep writing about delightful things I've manifested in my life or I can walk my talk and bring my readers on a journey where I actually set out to manifest something specific.

Are you ready? OK, I'm taking the word a bit literally -- "man"-ifest. Yes, I am going to manifest a man. Or more specifically, a loving relationship with a wonderful man. I am single and ready for some meaningful companionship.

The first thing I must do is give The Universe specific instructions. I learned this the hard way because about five years ago one night I asked The Universe to send me a kind, smart, funny man to sit next to me on my couch and enjoy the great HBO Sunday lineup and I got exactly that. Nothing against that dear friend, but I had forgotten to ask The Universe for sex. Soooooooo ...

Qualities for my relationship man, in no special order:

-- smart
-- kind
-- witty
-- communicative
-- thoughtful about spirituality
-- ambitious
-- sexy and sexual
-- passionate about life
-- available

Hmmmm. Do I want to add 'urban' to the list? I really don't want to limit myself, but I also don't want a lawn. And then of course there's the issue of kids. I'm not interested in having them, but a guy who already has children would be cool.

I think I've covered the things that really matter to me. According to The Secret, the idea is to Ask, Believe, Receive. Today I am asking. The believing begins now and must be sustained through action and openness. I will hereby engage people more and not be shy about asking if they know any great available guys.

So there it is. I have taken the first step. I hope Virgil is right.

Howdy, partner

Another dating prospect. He asks in written form, "What is the one dream in your life you most look forward to coming true?" Ha. An easy one.

"I'm focused on two right now," I respond. "Getting my book written and published. And traveling around Europe."

I throw the same question back to him. His response?

"Finding my loving partner."

Ouch. Now what does it say about me that that answer didn't even occur to me?

Hmmmm. I think it says that I have things I'm excited about in my life and that it is important to me to be accomplished and see more of the world. A loving partner would potentially make all of that much more enjoyable or meaningful, perhaps.

Or maybe it means I'm so freakin' independent that I need to occasionally sit up and pay attention to all the beautiful men out there.

Yep. It's probably a little of both.

Big, Big Love

I have watched a lot of television in my day, but never have I said "What the f--k" so many times in the span of an hour as when I watch Big Love. What in the world is going on in Utah?

That show, especially the last few weeks, is riveting. You think The Sopranos was violent and scheming and immoral? Try this series depicting life as a Mormon on for size.

Tonight's episode posed some striking juxtaposition, as Bill Paxton's character (a polygamist with three wives, for those not in the loop) tells his 16-year-old son to stop having sex because his body is his temple. The next thing we see is Daddy Dearest get spurned in bed by one wife, only to move to another nearby residence for some serious action with his third wife. She worshipped at his temple, all right.

This is great television. But religion?

What the f--k.

Wings

I have spoken to two people in the last 48 hours who are following their bliss. I am drawn to these stories like a bee to honey.

One young woman is quitting her job to travel with her grandmother for a month in Vietnam and then going to India on her own. Then, who knows? She is in her 20s and knows what she wants and she believes in going after it.

Another is an older man who has always lived on the East Coast. He and his wife are moving to Oregon to begin anew in a different kind of urban setting. There are wonderful adventures awaiting them in close proximity -- Canada, California, etc.

These feel organic and right. It is more the norm in our society to stay in the ho-hum job or place and just exist and that makes me crazy. It's such an unnatural choice. Their choices are courageous.

The honey tastes so good.

Perfect choreography

A day of being in The Universal Flow:

I go to the laundromat with my clothes early in the morning. While they wash I go to a cafe for some breakfast and journal writing. I go back to the laundromat and call my sister. She is heading to her manicure appointment. She'll call me back in an hour, she says.

I go home, grab dirty sheets and towels and take my sweaty self back out in the humidity to the laundromat. As I'm leaving my apartment, the exterminator comes for his monthly maintenance appointment. Extraordinary timing. I finally get back to the laundromat and decide to read until my sister calls back.

I am reading Writing The Breakout Novel by Donald Maass, specifically the chapter called "Contemporary Plot Techniques." And so I come across this: A ... form of the character-driven plot is the journey of self-discovery ... [it] is like the hero's journey, except the prize to be won is not an object that will save the world but a transformation that will save one soul. Alas, I now have the answer when someone asks what kind of fiction I'm writing.

While I am reveling in this, my sister calls back. We chat. She leaves for the mall. I bring my clothes home.

I begin writing a synopsis of my book, delightfully implementing some of the things I've read and excited that I feel like I read the exact thing I needed at the exact time I needed it. Meanwhile, my sister is out shopping to her heart's content.

Hours later, I take a break from writing. My sister calls. She has just had a shopping trip where almost every store she visited held some kind of pleasant surprise. She wonders if she manifested it. I tell her she is in The Universal Flow.

Me, too.

My magic desk

I have the kind of joy that can only come from a writing deadline and a great spot in my home at which to meet it. I never would have thought a desk could make such a difference in how I feel about working at home, but it is a transformative thing.

And to think, I manifested this desk. Yes, you read that right. I willed this piece of furniture into my apartment.

Back in February or so, I decided that the sweet wicker desk I bought some 20 years ago was ready to be retired. Not only had it seen better days, it was small and not so easy to work on. So I carefully measured the spot -- height, width, length -- and started carrying the measurements around in my Filofax.

I went to Staples, Target, The Container Store and any number of other stores in Manhattan to see what was out there and what fit in my budget. Several months into the process, I found out we were getting new desks at my "day" job. I asked what would be done with the "old" desks and, long story short, my boss gave me one.

Now let me tell you, this is a real desk. It is a large, tinted piece of glass sitting atop a black architectural stand of sorts. I don't think I can do it justice here, but it's fabulous and practical.

As a former sports writer who got used to writing in little gymnasiums and raucous arenas, I know I can write anywhere. It's in my blood. But this desk, which faces a window that looks at a church with lovely stained glass windows, beckons me to it. My book wants to be written here.

I manifested a desk and I'm darned proud of it.

Oh, the places we'll go

More on the dating prospect from an earlier post (See 'Masks, champagne, fireworks' from July 24).

It seems not only was I not exuberant enough about Halloween, New Year's Eve and Fourth of July, my not-so-enthused response to "How do you feel about Hershey and Disney?" didn't go over well either. I said I really couldn't imagine revolving a whole vacation around an amusement park, but I do believe one has to compromise in a relationship. So, as long as Italy, Spain and France were in the mix, too, I could live with that. He promptly closed the connection.

Now, in my original post, I thought The Universe was possibly telling me to open up to more fun in my life. That may well be true but I don't think that was the big picture message. It's more about not abandoning who I am and what I enjoy. Compromise is good, but really, can I imagine spending any of my hard-earned money on a contrived theme park when there are places like Tuscany awaiting me?

Uh, no.

This man was strong enough in his sense of self to put out there some things that were really important to him, things that said a lot about how he sees life. That's admirable. I can learn from that.

H-e double toothpicks

A co-worker told me a story today about his recent trip back to France. He was sitting next to an evangelical Christian on the plane, who proceeded to explain that in order to go to Heaven one must accept Jesus Christ as his savior.

So my co-worker posed some hypotheticals.

"Suppose I am a devout Muslim who worships peacefully?"

"Hell."

"What about someone who has grown up deep in the Amazon and has had no exposure to Jesus Christ?"

"Hell."

"What about ... ?"

"Hell."

"And suppose ... ?"

"Hell."

And there you have it. One interpretation of Jesus' message.

Masks, champagne, fireworks

Another dating prospect. He seems fun and deep, a winning combination. And then he asks the question that stops me short: What do you think of Halloween, New Year's Eve and the Fourth of July?

Oh God. How is it possible that he has mentioned three things that, if I answer honestly (and, well, that's the idea), I will look like a major stick in the mud? Halloween? Keep it. New Year's Eve? Ideally me, a great guy, a fireplace. Fourth of July? I turned away invitations and chilled out and loved having the day off. Didn't witness a single firework.

So this brings me to The Universe. What is the message here? I need more fun in my life, perhaps? Maybe it's supposed to test my openness, my willingness to compromise. I am intrigued. I like a man who knows who he is and finds a unique way to express it.

I am intrigued. We shall see.

In the stars

I'm one of those people who gets a kick out of horoscopes. I was reading my 2007 forecast back in January and I really liked what it had to say. It occurred to me I could look at this less as a prediction of the year ahead and more as a blueprint. Why not make it happen?

I decided it was time to check in. Here are some of the highlights:

CAPRICORN - (December 22nd - January 20th)

Life in 2007: Intimate relationships assume a serious tone for the first eight months of the year. Learning how to share your time, resources, and energy will be something of a struggle, but the results will be well worth it. If you're not in a relationship, you may have to break down some old defenses as a means to get close to someone special. Struggling with debt? 2007 presents a golden opportunity to get out of it, provided you're willing to make serious sacrifices from January through August. After September 2nd, you'll be able to wipe the slate clean. Financial independence will give you a new lease on life. (Note: Every word of this has come true already.)

Love in 2007: Certain fantasies you've harbored about love will be slowly chipped away during the first eight months of the year. A more realistic picture will emerge by September 2nd, allowing you to push aside disappointments that have held you back from enjoying a healthy, trusting relationship with the one you love. If you're single, you could meet someone special in the final four months of the year. Your powers of attraction will be especially strong starting December 18th, and will continue to build all the way through January 2009! (Note: Obviously much of this remains to be seen, but so far, so good.)

Loot in 2007: The more creative you are, the more money you'll make this year. This has been an ongoing trend for the past several years ... it behooves you to develop your artistic side this year ... and if this possibility seems unlikely, it's probably because you're not mixing with the right people. Join an artists' guild or take a creative workshop, if only as a means to network. (Note: Well, duh, I'm turning a corner on my book and I'm going to a writing workshop in September.)

Fascinating, I think.

Born to write

If I am indeed giving birth to a book, it feels like I have entered my second trimester. Not in the literal sense of months, but in a way that feels like I've embarked upon a new phase of its development.

Shortly after gleefully signing up for a writing workshop in September designed to whip my manuscript into shape, I received a welcome email with my "homework" -- the first 50 pages of my manuscript, a two-page synopsis, yada, yada, yada. None of this fazed me too much until I saw the deadline -- August 1! Say what?

But then, as is my M.O., within 24 hours I realized this is exactly right. I spent nearly 15 years as a daily, deadline-meeting journalist and I thrive on this kind of pressure. Yeeha. I have been asking The Universe to give my motivation a jolt, to send me a big dose of accountability, and it's been delivered to my front door.

I was just watching The Next Food Network Star and something Bobby Flay said was just wonderful. It was something to the effect that, to this day, every time he hears the countdown to camera go "5-4-3-2 ..." he still has fear and he knows it's because of his passion for what he's doing.

I am feeling the best possible kind of fear.

Choosing my religion

I was talking to a spiritually like-minded friend last night about the realization that even those of us who believe we manifest our lives and that there is a Universal Flow are choosing to believe it. Is there one Universal Truth? Hmmmm. All of this wisdom hashed out over a bowl of guacamole and chips. The topic reminded me of a conversation I had with my mother not too long ago.

"I think the world would be a better place if everyone understood that their religion is something they've chosen to believe," I said. She disagreed vehemently. And here I thought this was one of those obvious -- OK, maybe even profound -- insights.

I have in my life folks who are Catholics, born-again Christians, Protestants of different stripes, Jews and atheists. And I have a bunch of friends and acquaintances who borrow from a little of this and a little of that. Maybe the idea is that we are all finding a way to God and/or spirit (or not) that is right for us. And maybe for some people it's a Bible and for others it's a yoga mat.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who sees how obvious and simple it all is.

My vibrant town

I couldn't resist sitting outside at a waterfront restaurant and ordering some lunch today. It was one of those perfect weather days. At the next table were three women, ranging from about 50 to 60, and a guy, maybe 25 years old. Their conversation was so lively that eavesdropping came naturally.

After telling lots of stories around the table, the topic turned to Hoboken. The guy, apparently a Hoboken resident, was pointing out all the great features of the waterfront to his mother and her friends. Then one of the women said, "I thought about moving to Hoboken at one time, but then I realized the average age was about 32 and I thought, who will I talk to about psoriasis and arthritis?"

Oh my God. It hit me on a whole different level why Hoboken was a natural place for me to settle in. The median age is, in fact, about 34 and I have been asked on a few occasions how I can stand it. I find it delightful. Who the heck wants to talk about psoriasis and arthritis?

One of my dear friends recently marveled at the fact that I skip over the health articles in magazines and have little desire to obsess over them like most of the over-40 women she knows. I feel there are too many things in life I'd rather be doing than reading information I may never need. If a symptom presents itself, I deal with it. Simple.

Hoboken fits nicely into that way of being. How cool is it that I manifested a young and vibrant town before I really understood why it was such a good match?

Good work by me.

Great expectations

A co-worker at my "day" job got me thinking today. He was going into the conference room to get a cup of coffee and stopped to ask, "Would you like one?" I nodded eagerly, "Lots of milk, please."

When he returned with the coffee, I thanked him profusely and told him he was my favorite person in the world right at that moment. We both laughed. He left the room.

A moment later he came back and said, "You know, let me tell you something about men. Expect more. Don't let them think a cup of coffee is all it takes."

This set me back on my heels for a moment. Then it was like the brilliance of it washed over me in an instant. I replied, "You know, that's very true." It kept working its way into my brain and I realized this was a perfect Florence Scovel Shinn moment. Of course I should expect more!

"You are either heading for lack, or heading for abundance," Shinn, a metaphysician, wrote in The Secret Door To Success (1940). "The man with a rich consciousness and the man with a poor consciousness are not walking on the same mental street."

Shinn's idea is to prepare as if. For example, if you want a new home, she says you should buy furnishings for it as an act of faith.

She wrote: "Someone will say, 'Suppose you haven't money to buy ornaments or a chair?' Then look in shop windows and link with them in thought. Get in their vibration: I sometimes hear people say, 'I don't go into the shops because I can't afford to buy anything.' That is just the reason you should go into the shops. Begin to make friends with the things you desire or acquire."

Of course, this point was also driven home in The Secret. It's about the power of thoughts and words and how they interconnect. Shinn writes, " ... it is so necessary to make your demands aright on the Universal Supply, and ask for what is yours by divine right and under grace in a perfect way."

Never thought a cup of coffee would serve as such a stark reminder.

(Not So) Random

One of the best things about being in The Universal Flow is seeing signs laid out before you like guideposts. This is how I feel about my decision today to register for a week-long writing workshop in September.

I have been writing a book for a while. The manuscript is 200-plus pages and there's a lot of good stuff in it. I tend to write in waves and droughts, so in order to address the droughts I did what I tell my clients to do all the time -- build in some accountability.

Rewind to a "random" day early in the year when a client cancelled and I had to kill some time, so I chose Barnes and Noble in Chelsea and picked up Writer's Digest. There was an ad for a writers' workshop at the Jacob Javits Center in May. A few months later, when it was time for a creative jolt, I remembered the ad and signed up. Let's just say my manuscript got a swift kick in the pants thanks to a fabulous session with someone who specializes in these things.

Over a month later, I did a "random" Internet search and found a workshop taught by the same guy. Only it's a week! And it's an intensive! Did I mention it's at a spa? That I get to indulge my writer self and my prima donna self? That I've been itching to feed my travel bug after a long hiatus?

Is any of this really random? Methinks not. Bring it.

Spiritual confidence

I asked a prospective date if he's spiritual. Here's a sampling of acceptable answers in my world:

A. Yes, I'm a devout ____________ (fill in the blank with just about any denomination)
B. Yes, but I don't consider myself religious
C. No! I think it's all hogwash
D. I would say my spirituality is evolving (Please, oh please, Universe, send me this one!)

The prospective date was silent for a moment, clearly flummoxed by the question. Or maybe the concept. He wasn't sure.

A nice man, perhaps. But no.

The Big 'C'

One of the most common ways for people to challenge those of us who believe that we manifest what happens in our lives is to bring up cancer. How, they ask, can someone manifest that awful disease? Or any disease, for that matter?

I don't pretend to have the answer to that. In fact, the very idea of trying to answer it makes me squirm. However, in some cases, people with the disease seem very clear about its explanation. Not that they deserved it or wanted it, but that it happened to them to make them stronger or more humble or less angry or more appreciative. Or something. And of course the neat and tidy reasons and theories give some of us a sense of -- what? -- order.

Matthew Zachary, who came into my life via a freelance editing job a few months ago, gave my view of cancer, or surviving cancer, a jolt. Matt wrote a jarring piece for his website -- http://www.imtooyoungforthis.org/ -- that is so disturbingly frank about living post-cancer I found myself reading it rather than editing it the first time. His site (he's the founder and executive director of I'm Too Young For This!) was recently nominated as one of Time magazine's best websites of 2007. He then submitted the edited piece called "The Cost of Living: No Cure For Cancer" to The Huffington Post and they accepted it -- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-zachary/the-cost-of-living-no-cu_b_56003.html -- and offered him a blogging gig. Just terrific.

Now I must confess I am tempted to explain this away. I know it is over-the-top presumptuous of me to try, but my Susie Sunshine side kicks in and wonders if, in the grand Universal scheme, Matthew Zachary isn't meant to get out a message that needs to be heard in high places. Does this explain his level of suffering or enduring health issues? Who am I to say? Maybe I'm just searching for ... order.

Perhaps it's my mere mortal self reaching for answers and hoping against hope for a silver lining to a very dark cloud.

Self-indulgence

I finished Eat, Love, Pray yesterday and I have been letting it wash over me. I told a friend how marvelous it was and he shared that he had recently spoken to someone with a completely different opinion of it. That person had found it too self-indulgent.

Well, the book is very self-indulgent. And I think that observation goes a long way in explaining people's reactions to it. A person who isn't comfortable going deep into the self and asking tough questions, a person who is not prone to self-examination about their emotional and spiritual makeup, may find this book borderlining on hogwash.

But, of course, I am a life coach and a person on a near constant quest to understand myself and others, so this is the kind of reading that speaks to my core. I found Elizabeth Gilbert's discoveries and insights validating in some cases, illuminating in others. My own journey has made me realize, at least on balance, what's important in life. It was extraordinary to feel a kinship, this same sense of rightness, from reading her book.

Gilbert tells one story of a friend who had abandoned his childhood religion but was not comfortable with the idea of "cherry-picking" a religion. "Which is a sentiment I completely respect except for the fact that I totally disagree," she writes. "I think you have every right to cherry-pick when it comes to moving your spirit and finding peace in God. I think you are free to search for any metaphor whatsoever which will take you across the worldly divide whenever you need to be transported or comforted."

Amen. And thank you.