Tomorrow?

I guess it is to be expected that there are days I just don't give a hoot about manifesting a man. Today was one of them.

My heart

My sister had a garage sale out in the Jersey 'burbs today and the whole family converged. It was fun. The weather was great. We laughed a lot.

She was selling a heart-shaped pin that she had never worn. It caught my eye because I love heart-shaped jewelry and because it was silver and gold and looked very artsy. She told me to take it.

And so I did. It wasn't until I got home that I realized the silver heart overlaying the gold one could be lifted to reveal a message:

My heart is a home for love.

The artist's message, also something I didn't notice until I read the cardboard piece later, explains that he acquired the materials for his jewelry by traveling the world as a modern-day sailor.

I can't wait to wear it.

The good life

When I started writing this particular blog, its original intent was to talk about spirituality Nancy-style. It grew to become a place where I've publicly been talking about manifesting a man, as I found that to be a natural extension or illustration of my spiritual style.

While that is still going strong, I must deviate from the man path today and write about the homeless man I talk to every day in Manhattan. James, who likes to talk about Jesus, handed me a booklet on Monday titled Apostle Paul's Repentance. I am open enough to read these things despite not considering myself a Christian, so I turned it over to read the back cover and here's what stopped me short:

We were separated from God because of sin. Subsequently, we had to wander in darkness, guilt, pain, and fear instead of relishing true satisfaction, happiness, and blessings of God.

I can't say this emphatically enough -- NO!!!!

It's the exact opposite. What separates many Christians (not all, OK?) from relishing true satisfaction, happiness and blessings is the belief that we were born sinners and the fact that we were taught to live in darkness, guilt, pain and fear.

I knew immediately that I was going no further with the booklet. James asked me about it today and I was honest with him. He talked about Jesus saving my soul. I told him my soul didn't need saving. I live a good life. He shook his head in dismay. He doesn't think that's enough.

I do.

Rich

A client did a quick reading of my tarot cards this evening. The main card I drew was the Wheel of Fortune. Oh yeah.

What struck me as interesting was the reading that accompanied the card because it said to "stop cutting yourself into chunks." That resonates with me so much. My life has become very compartmentalized and I've just begun to work on integrating it more.

That means work, relationships, spirit -- all of it. What's the alternative? Do I really want to squeeze a relationship into my spare time? Uh, no. Not a formula for success, methinks.

I'm all over that Wheel of Fortune. I'm surrounded by richness.

Blahhhhhh

Last night I cancelled dinner plans and plopped on my couch. Low grade headache, nausea. Very nice. Attractive, too.

Can you say, man repellent?

Thank God for ginger ale.

Sashay

I have been on a quest for the perfect shoe. I have dresses that require a pump or a slingback. They need to be not-too-high so I can walk for blocks. They need to be not-too-pointy so my toes aren't squished. They need to be not-too-round-toed so my legs are elongated.

But the heel needs to be high enough to give my calf that sexy lift that only a pump can give a woman.

That one's for the gents.

Embracing the Tao (again)

I was compelled this weekend to buy Wayne Dyer's new book about the Tao Te Ching called Change Your Thoughts -- Change Your Life, Living the Wisdom of the Tao. I had seen him talking about it on PBS one day and was drawn in by his anecdotes and his relaxed style. And, of course, by the topic.

Lao-Tzu wrote 81 verses (To see them all, check out http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/core9/phalsall/texts/taote-v3.html) and Dyer has pondered each one and written an essay on it. What struck me immediately is that by its very nature and structure, the book is asking me to practice discipline and patience. In other words, don't devour the book but take one verse and its corresponding essay and live with it for a few days.

And so that brings me to my mission here: manifesting a man for a wonderful relationship. Dyer says of the first verse, "Let relationships be ... since everything is going to stretch out in Divine order. Don't try so hard to make something work -- simply allow." Okay.

But this verse is also about the difference between trying and doing. And this goal I have is alternately those things, depending on the day. What this blog allows me to do is keep it on my radar and not put it aside as I have been known to do through various stages of my life.

It matters more now. It just does.

Space matters

Lately I've been thinking about this crowded life of mine and how as a life coach I help people achieve balance. And how I keep writing about manifesting a relationship with a great guy but how there's very little room for him.

Hmmmmmm.

I just stripped another layer of excess in my closet. Maybe it's time to apply it to my time. Something has to go.

This is up for review.

Score and score

Two stories today. One, guy gets girl. The other, girl gets guy. Two very different sources, but both inspirational to me.

The first was the guy I mentioned yesterday in this very blog. He and I went on one date last spring (see Sept. 19 http://theuniversalflow.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html). Today he wrote to tell me he met a woman that he's been dating for four months. It made me feel so good! He's a great guy. He's just not my great guy. And he persevered on the dating site and it paid off.

The other story I loved today was an interview piece on author Elizabeth Gilbert I saw on www.beliefnet.com. Anyone who is even remotely in my life knows how obsessed I was with her wonderful book, Eat, Pray, Love earlier this summer. I even began this blog with an entry about it (see July 8 post http://theuniversalflow.blogspot.com/2007_07_01_archive.html). In the Love portion of the book, which is non-fiction, she meets a wonderful Brazilian man in Indonesia. Well, in this interview today I read that they have since gotten married and live in New Jersey!

Beautiful.

Re-appearance

Got an email today from a guy I went on a date with back in the spring. We were killer on the phone. Great rapport. Our conversations were smart and quick-witted and, in turn, very sexy. I was convinced from hours on the phone that we would have that kind of magnetic attraction that's just delicious.

But no. Not so.

He wrote to say hi today. It brought the memory back. I learned a lot from him in our brief few weeks of connection, mostly that there are some great guys out there.

Passive choice

So the online dating site has me in a holding pattern at the moment. There are three guys I'm either corresponding with or trying to initiate correspondence with. Meanwhile, I'm twiddling my thumbs waiting for responses. Passivity is not my friend.

I had to close one match when this decent-sounding guy said one too many times that he is very giving, but his needs must be met in a relationship as well. While that's a perfectly reasonable request, the repetition tells me he has had this issue in a past relationship and hasn't resolved it. Sometimes we don't realize what's between the lines when we write our profiles.

Thankfully, there's some social stuff on the agenda in the coming week and more chance for some organic encounters. I am also still admittedly curious about a particular man, but I'm nervous about my intuition on that score. Need to let it be.

I'm in thick of it. Yes, I am.

Re-affirmation

My creative self is in one of those transition times that is simultaneously unsettling and jubilant and it is making me a little skittish. But I am not deterred from my mission here.

A reminder of my affirmation for manifesting a man for a wonderful relationship:

I am powerful, loving and harmonious and equipped to attract the ideal man for me, under grace in a perfect way.

He's on his way ...

I've got mail

I came home from being away for a week only to find my dating site mailbox filled with new prospects. I responded to one interested fella and took a look at a bunch of others.

Hmmmm, better check the status of my dating wardrobe ...

Mr. Available

Lately I keep meeting men who are conversational, vibrant, thoughtful, mindful of spirit, smart, sexy, engaging and creative.

Hey, Universe, now how about one who's available?

Come on, baby. Bring him.

Who's ideal?

I'm at this writing workshop for week and have been trying to stay within the integrity of keeping this time for my book and for working out. I have been successful so far, but on this little break in the action I am compelled to share something that our instructor said this morning. And so I indulge in a bit of blogging.

In teaching us how to deepen our characters, somehow the discussion goes to the ideal man and our instructor says that sometimes he thinks for women that would be a guy who works out, drives a Maserati, has a million bucks and is carrying a puppy. (He's a cool, seemingly evolved guy, so I think he was joking.)

But the point is, that doesn't sound like such a bargain to me. First of all, a guy who cares about his health is good, but a buff bod requires a lot of time that could be spent in better ways. Second, well, I'll confess the car would be nice, but not if it's a macho symbol substituting for self-confidence. Third, if a guy has a million or more bucks, I'd prefer to find out after I've gotten to know what he thinks about issues and how he sees the world; money is wonderful if it's in perspective and not his best quality. Fourth, count me in the minority, but you can keep the puppy; I'm not a big fan of animal saliva.

That's all.

Taking it public

I'm in the midst of much opportunity to meet new people right now. Yesterday I attended a party for a former professor/mentor of mine who retired and there were connections old and new. Tomorrow I leave for a writing workshop where I will know no one.

I love that all of this involves being surrounded by writers and writing. There's such a good energy around it all and it's a breeding ground for potential personal connections as well.

The more I write about manifesting a man, the more I realize how much confidence it takes and how much of it I have apparently gained the last few years. I could never have admitted publicly that I was seeking a relationship. Now I tell people enthusiastically and so many seem to not only love it, but they start going through their social and professional connections in their mind.

September holds much promise.

Keeping current

Well, time for some updates on the man manifestation situation. (Note: For readers new to my blog, I vowed on August 1 http://theuniversalflow.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html to use this forum to publicly manifest a man for a wonderful relationship and I've been doing it ever since.)

Last night a friend asked me over for some paella. How does a girl say no to that? Upon my arrival he made me a margarita so strong I was sloshed before I finished it. I am not exaggerating. I told him I was partway to my man manifestation goal. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Well, I thought it would be great to have a man get me tipsy and then try to make a move." He laughed. Let's just say I'm not his type and there were no moves.

So, as indicated in earlier posts, I reached out to the guy with whom I'm sort of intrigued. No response. Soooooooo, he either reaches out because he realizes what he's missing over here or he doesn't. Life is short. My eyes are wide open.

The latest match sent to me by the online dating service wants someone with a "motherly" side. Now, my sister just two weeks ago remarked on my maternal abilities with my 4-year-old niece and that was a nice observation, but hell if I want to practice those skills on a man in a relationship. As I said before, I'll bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, but playing mommy to a grown man isn't in the cards. I closed the match.

September is a time for fresh starts. I'm feeling it.

Inside out

One of the things I've learned in maturity and in my quest for inner peace is to think about outcomes. Before I get worked up about something, I sort through the worst possible scenario in my head and it almost always makes me calm.

The same goes for when I make a decision to do something that feels bold, like express myself to a man who really intrigues me. I won't do it unless I'm sure I'm not attached to the result. So if the response from him is less than enthusiastic, there will be no pouting, no eating ice cream, no using it as an excuse to be in a "bad mood."

Happiness emanates from the inside out, not the outside in. It'll be a real kick if I get a date out of my boldness. But if I don't, there's another man right around the corner.

I'm sure of it.

Honest

I have decided to surround myself with people who make me want to be a better person or whose presence in my life has made me a better person. Today one friend who falls in both categories showed me why that is wise.

He told me this blog was too safe, that I was too conscious of my audience, that I could go deeper. "You want me to talk about vibrators, don't you?" I retorted. But of course I was tossing out a line to cover how right I knew he was.

I have, in fact, been a little blocked writing this the past few days and here's why: I am a bit focused on a particular guy and I want to know if I have a shot. So I'm finally doing something about it. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, the online dating site sent two new matches to my mailbox. One guy writes in his profile, "Please be a size 6 or less." I came out of the womb larger than a six, so I ditched him. The second guy is seeking someone petite. Again, I wasn't petite in my crib, so onward and upward.

Ahhhhhh. This was a bit of a purge.

I am a better person for it. (Thanks, doll.)

A natural woman

There is a cute young couple in my apartment building. They got married in May and just sent out links to look at their wedding pictures. I enjoyed looking through the photos, but was particularly taken with shots of the bride on a beach. They gave a nice view of the back of her dress and she looked so relaxed and happy.

This evening I ran into the happy couple in front of our building and we talked about the photos. To my surprise, the shots on the beach were taken after they returned from their honeymoon. At the groom's request, the bride was not wearing makeup in them. It seems he loves the way she looks without it.

This little conversation tugged at my heart strings. We're just so socialized to believe that we have to put our best "face" forward to attract a man. That we have to be all done up.

In fact, if we listen to men, this is simply not true. How refreshing.

Back in the game

I'm back! I'm back! I'm back!

OK, had to get that out of my system. No matter how relaxing or enjoyable a getaway, it's always good to be home, isn't it?

Not that my eyes and ears were closed to the male species while I was at the beach, but truly I am back in man manifestation mode. I'm excited about expanding my horizons, cultivating a healthy relationship and being back in my urban environment.

In the meantime, I bought some great dresses while I was away. A new pair of heels is in my near future.

I feel fabulous!

Where the odds are

My beach vacation is coming to a close tomorrow. It has been fun, but when it comes to manifesting a man, the odds are not that great here in Lavallette. It's filled with families and has a nice vibe, but people pretty much keep to themselves.

I'm about ready for my urban life again. It seems much more filled with possibility.

Let the manifesting resume ...